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The Art of Jorting in Your 30’s

The Art of Jorting.
The Art of Jorting.
Pictured far right: Oscar de la Renta scarf tied to a Tory Burch handbag, BCBG black tank, BCBG Wedges, Ray Ban aviator sunglasses, Low Luv cuff bracelet, House of Harlow arrow ring, One Teaspoon Jorts & a custom “Hey BAE” snapback.

The Art of “Jorting.”

For those of you who have been living under your beautiful amethyst rocks for your entire lifetime, Jorts are jean…shorts.  Put the 2 words together…and you have “Jorts.”  Let’s not make it complicated, & let’s dive right into the correct thought process for piecing together an outfit…that includes your best friend, Jorts.

  1. What is the occasion?  Casual date with your boyfriend, meeting the girls for a Thursday night glass of Brandy?…Oh, sorry, “Vodka, water with lemon.”  Oh, wait…you’re more refined tonight, so I suppose you will be drinking “wine.”  Okay, I forgot, it’s Sangria Sundays.  Oh, my bad. It’s summer time.  We’re referring to our cocktail gatherings as, “Summer Spritzers” now, because it sounds so much more refreshing.  In that case, I’m going to order my usual.  A Jalapeño “Skinny” Margarita, followed by an apology to the bartender for having a “high maintenance drink…b/c majority of bartenders hate it, and will refuse to muddle.  If you can find a bartender who will make it, then trust me on this.  It’s divine. Long story long, this is an outfit to wear to a casual occasion where you won’t be doing a ton of walking, so lunch, dinner, drinks, date night, movies, gossip time with your girlfriends, Bachelorette party/ daytime outing etc. 
  2. Grab a pair of Jorts.  The crazier the color, the more muted your other clothing items & accessories should be.  (I’ll write a post on how to pick the perfect Jorts for you, in the future.)  For this example, I grabbed black, b/c it’s a dark color, and will look good on any size booty.
  3. Next, Choose your shirt.  I decided that a White V neck T-Shirt would look swell on everyone, too.  V neck T-shirts flatter every single woman’s body type.  It creates a V-taper which helps create that hour glass appearance.  This is my “go to” shirt, at the moment, for multiple reasons too long to list.  If you choose a shirt with a color or a pattern, then, depending on how involved the shirt is, will depend on if you wear another statement piece or not.  Use your best judgment.
  4. Shoes…all about the shoes.  Here comes our first piece of refinement, ladies.  If you are wearing Louboutin’s, suddenly, your casual jorts are somehow overlooked.  You, my friends, just got away with wearing a super comfortable outfit…well almost.  Now, you have to accessorize in order to pull the whole “casual jorts/ white T  outfit, in public, as an adult, as a successful business woman, as someone that is respectable…and I wear this outfit, so I’d tip my hat to you…that’s all that matters” outfit, all together.  (That was the longest run-on sentence in the history of bloggers, I’m sure.  It was intentional.  Sorry, I’m not sorry.)
    • What if you don’t have Loub’s?  Not a problem:  Michael Kors heels, BCBG, Jessica Simpson, Steve Madden, etc. are my go to heels in Atlanta.  The Loubs are nice, but in reality, if you are going to be doing a lot of walking, then you would look silly walking around in a pair of Loub’s like that.  They aren’t that comfortable.  In the instance where you will be walking a lot, and not wearing designer shoes, then your statement piece or pieces really need to be your purse and accessories. For the outings where you won’t be doing a lot of walking, your heels just really need to be a classic color and should be in good condition
  5. Choose your statement accessory:  What are you going to wear to display as a hypothetical middle finger to anyone who sees you from a distance, in Jorts, & thinks that you aren’t dressed as well as they are.  You know, because they are wearing their best Nordstrom Rack blouse and all.  A statement piece is an item that can be subtle, but, will most certainly, stand out and speak for you when anyone is sizing you up.  (This really helps weed out some eye rolls from girls, & some unwelcomed gestures from dudes who want to hit on you, b/c they think you are an easy target due to your choice of wearing Jorts instead of a fancy blouse from Nordstrom Rack.)   This statement piece is a piece that will make you feel pulled together & not under dressed or self conscious.  This piece can be jewelry, scarves, or purses.  (We already covered 1 hypothetical “F-U. I wear what I want” piece…aka Louboutin’s.  Fyi, I’m not getting into other designer brands, because that would take all day.  We are more concerned on “how to wear Jorts, and still look classy, in your 30’s”…remember?)
  6. Statement Accessory:  Scarf:  Let’s just say, you are feeling like adding some color to your outfit, and you have this beautiful, high quality, silk scarf that you’ve just purchased.  It’s totally got that ‘Devil Wears Prada’ vibe…you know what I mean, and, by God, you want to wear it, today, because maybe you get a little chilly in restaurants.  Maybe you want to wear it as a head scarf, because you are channeling your inner Grace Kelley.  Who’s to say?  Regardless, I’m right there with you, ya little fashionista!  If you are going to wear a scarf in your 30’s as part of your main outfit, to a restaurant or an outing, then make sure it’s high quality.  None of that Target Super Center BS, okay?  Why? B/c high quality items are versatile and timeless…and you’re in your 30’s, and you are wearing Jorts, so remember that.  (Now, is it becoming a little more clear on why I said that Jorts & T’s are okay to wear to a casual event in your 30’s?  If it’s not clear, then I’ll spell it out for you, now.  It’s b/c the other items that you are wearing, are items that are high quality.  Items that you’ve invested a lot of money in, and that you love.  The statement items are pieces that help you feel accomplished.  They make you feel good about who you are in this moment in time.)  (For those who just felt their panties getting all bunched up in a wad, b/c I just said that your clothes help you feel good about yourself, then close your trap…and suck it up.  There is no need to rebuttal in regards to my statement, nor is there a need to assume that I am saying that you have to wear designer clothing in order to feel accomplished or to feel good about yourself.  I’m saying that you, you sexy, successful vixen, should consider investing in quality, timeless pieces once you are in your 30’s.  Especially, if you are going to be wearing Jorts and a T.  Especially, if you are going to be wearing that Jorts and T outfit to a restaurant where you may run into your boss or a client…or a potential suitor.  Why?  Because that is the occasion where every fiber of your being will want to feel polished and pulled together.  Trust me on this.  I speak from experience.)
  7. Next, choose your purse.  You have to, have to, have to have a quality bag if you are in your 30’s. It’s a woman’s right of passage.  It’s an “investment piece.”  You’ll wear it for years and years to come, so it’s okay to buy a $1,500 bag and not feel bad about it.  (If you don’t have one, then go ahead and add up the cost of all of your target handbags, TJ Max handbags, etc., etc. Add up the cost of all of the low end bags that you’ve purchased over the years, and then let me know if your opinion has changed on the necessity & economics of owning a premium quality handbag.  (I probably just helped you declutter your purse collection, didn’t I?  You’re welcome.)  For this Jorts outfit we’re piecing together, you really do want your purse to be classic.  Nothing too flashy.  Just like the YSL handbag pictured in the look-book at the bottom of this post.  I absolutely love the gold detail on this YSL bag.  It’s just a beautiful “Everyday Purse.”
  8. Jewelry:  Now, we’re moving on to the jewelry.  Since you already have your “Hypothetical FU, I’m Wearing Jorts in a Restaurant” piece that stands out…if I’ve lost you, already, then lord help us all…I’m referring to the the designer scarf that we picked out.  Just like the one pictured in the look-book at the bottom of this post.  Okay, where was I?  Since you already have your statement piece, your scarf, that makes you feel pulled together in your Jorts outfit, then let’s move on to what jewelry you should choose.  Your jewelry should remain timeless and classic when you are wearing shorts & a T.  For this outfit, I chose the beautiful and timeless Cartier Love Bracelet, classic Chanel Earrings & an everyday Cartier Love Ring.  They are all classic and timeless pieces.  You can wear them over, and over, and over, and over.  You know what I mean.  That is where you should invest your money, you hear?  Quality jewelry that you love to wear all of the time and that you can piece with multiple outfits.
  9. Sunglasses:  Lastly, I picked out some fierce Versace “Hater Blockers”…okay, “sunglasses,” but “Hater Blockers” just has a nicer ring to it.  I just love the Versace Shades that I picked out for this outfit.  The are sleek, refined, high quality, and they have a little hint of metal detail, which really brings the whole outfit together.  (Yes, it is okay to mix the gold on the purse with silver jewelry…it’s fine…just make sure that you are only wearing 1 accessory piece that has a different type of metal…and no more then one.  That’s only my rule, and it works for me.  So, if the purse has gold detail, then you cannot wear jewelry that is a mix of silver and gold.  Another rule that I follow: Yes, you don’t even know the question yet, but the answer is “Yes.”  You can wear a purse with gold detail and also wear all gold jewelry, and vice versa with silver.  It won’t be overkill.  I promise.)
  10. Other jewelry options that I’ve included in the Look-Book below:  I realize that Gold jewelry looks better on some people and that silver looks better on others.  I also realize that some earrings look better on some, while it looks terrible on others, so I included multiple jewelry options that I think would look awesome paired with this outfit in order to accomplish the our shared goal of…wearing jorts in your 30’s.  You can view them by clicking the little arrow to the right of the Look-Book images below.  

Alright sisters from other misters.  I really hope that you’ve enjoyed my style tips!  Time for me to purchase up some of the items that I’ve posted below before all of you do, as I have now talked myself into wanting that YSL bag and Chanel earrings.  I already own the Daniel Wellington watch, Gucci earrings, White V-neck T, Jorts & Ray Ban shades pictured below.  I must say, that the Jorts Look-Book is pretty awesome.



Ciao Xoxo, Sisters!